Letting go

One of my fellow blues and I had the same epiphany tonight. I had just finished rolling with a strong, fast blue belt guy and mid way through, I decided to untense my body, stop hunkering down, and just go. Everything moved much more smoothly, my mind included. Afterward, I sat down next to the first blue and she revealed that just recently, she decided to let go...stop fearing the tap.

I can't explain how much brighter everything felt. My next roll felt clear and illuminated...that is until the guy I was rolling with locked down himself. I felt myself immediately respond in kind. It was hard to stay loose the rest of the round, but I managed to stay aware and dial myself back when needed. All those moves from ginastica? They just open up when you're not a ball of tensed muscle.

I sat out the next round, next to one of the first people I ever rolled with. He's a tall, strong purple belt from Brazil who's been around since...two gyms ago. He's testing for brown soon. We talked about the first, unairconditioned gym, full of huge, aggressive guys...the second one where I started, and his training other places because of work.  It was one of those moments where I realized that I actually have history at the gym. Funny to think of when I look back at that first, terrified breath I took before jumping into the line of running men.