Guys who date girls who train BJJ.

I've come to decide that they have to be a special breed. Honestly, since I've been training, I haven't even made it to the dating phase of a romantic relationship, but I have gotten to see the reactions of a few guys. It's really amazing how different the reactions have been...

"Your boyfriend better watch out!"
"Your husband's gonna be in trouble!"
"Your man better not make you mad!"
"Guess I better not tick you off!"

Ok...so they're not different at all. I don't find it surprising though. I understand that it would take quite a bit of a mental adjustment for a man to accept that...

...A woman he's dating does something so rough (I just had to explain 3X to a guy that we spar live)
...A woman he's dating gets that close with other guys (north-south is bound to raise some eyebrows)
...A woman he's with really DOES have a chance of inflicting harm on him.

I imagine it's an adjustment that would take some time.

Confessions of violence and 36hrs of BJJ awesomeness

A few days ago, I was talking to a guy I've known for a while. We were having a very pleasant conversation and it came up that I train BJJ. Next thing I know, he's telling me how bad he felt about having recently pushed his physically abusive girlfriend and how he now felt like "one of those guys". I've never...ever had a man openly admit to any physical violence against a woman and I know 100% that the reason he felt comfortable telling me that was that in finding out that I trained jiu jitsu, he knew that I was, at some level, comfortable with aggression. It was risky on his part and I could see how uncomfortable he was unburdening himself. We then got into a discussion about female violence against men, how to deal with physically violent women and how they differ from violent men. Talking to him, I could tell that the general situation of dealing with a violent woman was, while less physically threatening for him, much more confusing and difficult to negotiate than dealing with a violent man. 

I left my private yesterday floating on a cloud of jiu-jitsuness. It was a great close to the best 36 hrs of jiu jitsu I've had since I started training.

Thursday night I had dinner at  the house of one of my pastors with his wife and daughter. It turns out that he's really into MMA and has been wanting to take some BJJ classes. Talking about it with other people, especially men, is always something that gets me paying close attention to reactions and responses. We talked more and I mentioned where I train. "You train at Top Team???" (I didn't know it was referred to as just "Top Team") I laughed and told him that when I started I had no clue about affiliations or MMA and just knew that everybody was nice and all the coaches on the website were smiling. 

Friday class...also great! I had two good rolls, one ending with a white belt telling me I'd gotten better and a blue telling me that it was a good roll. I left, totally hyped and ready for my lesson the next day.

I've gotten into a good rhythm with WrestlerInstructor for our lessons. We generally start with questions I have, move to issues I'm working on, general technique/principles, then rolling. Issue-wise I focused issues around defenses I'd learned that weren't working well for me. Both the triangle and armbar defense I know involve posturing up, which works fine for me on people under...180lbs or so. Any bigger than that and I'm not likely able to get the proper stacking angle, and even if I do, I'm WHIPPED afterward. All that arm yanking burns my arm muscles, even with my ear to the leg and elbow to the sky. So...I got a new triangle defense that capitalizes on my leg length and strength and arm bars...well...I might need to work on stronger back muscles. That, and I need to put more pressure and focus on really breaking down their hold on the arm.

Principle wise, we talked a lot about half guard and I'm starting to look at top half COMPLETELY differently. I'd been focusing so much on getting a full pummel that I'd been spending long periods of time stuck, negotiating the position. I had no idea that you could work with a simple post in the arm pit as an option. Between that and working on knee position as an agent in controlling the hips and the top is a whole new world for me. The rolling was great. I was actually doing well to start off, WestlerInstructor saying I was "moving fantastically, Fantastically". Mid way through, I lost my balance and dropped to my hip. I instantly knew it was wrong. It was so clear I could almost hear it. It sounded like a crack. Immediately after falling, I ended up in his guard. It was a great few moments though, because it was the first time I really felt the connection between my weight and an opponent's...my balance in relation to their movement. 

I think I'm coming off one of those improvement periods where, after months of things just feeling completely and utterly wonrg, things comes together and you see overall improvement. JazzHands once told me they come around every six months or so. Whatever the schedule, I'm savoring this moment, because I know another valley is likely around the corner and I'm going to need some fuel to get me through it. 

Salsa lessons for Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

I sat last night, watching PrettyVoicedInstructor rolling with a very talented blue. I'd seen him spar many times, but it was different this time. The match moved fluidly and didn't stop to rest or think. It was fast, but neither hurried, panicked nor forceful. It was the first match I'd seen in person that looked like an actual dance. It was pretty. I don't think everyone's jiu jitsu is, or even can be pretty, but his is and often are. The most amazing part is that rolling with him, you can feel the fluidity and even a masculine grace.



I just finished reading Clinzy's post on winning. Only recently, have I started to feel glimpses of the flow and freedom that I used to experience when dancing salsa. The first time I experienced it then was about three years in and one year before my dance zenith in China with the guy in the video below. It was a trip to South Carolina to visit my cousin and I dropped in to a local salsa club to check out the scene. I was feeling bold being the "mystery salsera" and decided to ask the resident instructor for a dance. He was more than willing, even offering to learn the style that I was most comfortable in. It was an amazing, inspirational, playful, seductive dance to Marc Anthony's Tu Amor Me Hace Bien (a sweet, light hearted, yet powerful song). It went down as the best dance I'd ever had. Thanks Joel.



Dancing salsa...I danced socially for four years, which isn't very long in the grand scheme of things, but it was long enough to learn that it's a dance of flirtation, communication, playfulness, seduction, spontaneity, skill and interpretation. I've made comparisons since the beginning, and the longer I do BJJ, the less similar they seem, but the more I see them both drawing on similar parts of me as a practitioner. There are a few things that I learned in salsa that I believe tie into staying away from the trap of "need-to-win-based" stagnation that, from what I hear, is a big problem for quite a few people that practice.

1) It's about communication. Sure, you can impress people around you and even your partner, but at the end of the day, you have a living, breathing, responding human being with traits and ideas to explore and share that will, in the end, help you grow, but only if you listen.

2) Who you are as a dancer (player) morphs with your changes in partners. There are some people in the gym who bring out really good things in me...both in technique and experience. Others...not so much. Part of that is just meshing of skill and preferences, the rest is personal.

3) Trying new things won't kill you. You may elbow somebody in the face (or catch an elbow), but you'll likely either discover something that doesn't work, or something that does. Both are great.

4) Pay attention to your partner. The moves you choose will change based on their physical traits and choices of response. Doing this makes you more versatile and trying things out with different types of people gives you better insight into techniques themselves.

5) You should be having fun. You won't all the time, but overall, experiences should be enjoyable.


I seriously doubt I'll ever devote the same time and energy to dance that I did before and honestly, my drive to improve there is pretty much done. BJJ is a much better fit for me, I enjoy the people more and it has left its own unique signature, earning its own, distinct place in my life.

I shouldn't go out in public after I train.

Double fun tonight at the gym! Tonight was Parrumpa's birthday AND he gave out his first black belt...and it was to his wife! So...adorable. I'm not into romantic gestures, but a kiss before getting thrown after getting your black belt. That's like my version of the Notebook.

The girl who's scared to roll with me...we kind of joke about it now. We were sitting on the wall watching a couple of rounds and she lamented the fact that there weren't many kids there that night.

Me: What about that orange belt over there?
Teen: I don't know him. What's his name?
Me: No idea. Try "Orange".
Teen: Ha...I can't just ask him though
Me: Sure you can...why not?
Teen: I don't know...it's just weird
Me: What the...it's like we're at a dance!
Teen: A really dangerous dance.

But yeah...I had two events going on tonight, so I had to split myself between them. (Surprisingly, me and my introverted self wasn't annoyed to go to either one.) I missed dinner at The Cheesecake Factory (macaroni and cheese balls, we'll meet again soon) and went to a party at my cousin's house instead. I think this is the first time I've trained and gone straight to a public event...I only did a couple of techniques and one round because of my neck, but...like...I've noticed that after class, my abilities to process words and numbers are severely diminished. Almost to the point that I don't like writing blog entries immediately afterward because I can't form a compound or complex sentence to save my life.

I was around family...these people know me. I was clumsy (knocked over a flower arrangement), quiet, awkward when talking. I ended up mostly sitting in the kitchen picking on a piece of fish. It was SO weird. Really starting to wonder if this is just me...

Hee.

See the real Happy Spider

Last night I was waiting to go into the rest room along side one of our brown belts..."You were looking good out there today". Huge mental teehee. I've been feeling more competent lately. 

House shopping and inspiration

Gabrielle Garcia...started watching her stuff when I first started because I wanted to see how "big girls" do BJJ. None in the video, but watching her is crazy. Makes me wanna start CrossFit or something.




So yeah, I'm back in the home shopping process. It's been a LONG road with all the craziness going on in real estate in my state (Florida), but prices have dropped to reasonable levels and I've come to terms with the fact that my first house can't reasonably be my dream home, even if it does mean I'm in it for a long time.

I'm gonna be perfectly honest...every house I look at I ask the question "can I install mats here?" It might be a bit presumptuous, but 18 months in and I feel like I NEED to be able to train at home. Need.

A requirement has been a 2 car garage or an extra bedroom or den on the first floor. Ideally I want something permanent, but push come to shove, those little puzzle things could work.