I've come to decide that they have to be a special breed. Honestly, since I've been training, I haven't even made it to the dating phase of a romantic relationship, but I have gotten to see the reactions of a few guys. It's really amazing how different the reactions have been...
"Your boyfriend better watch out!"
"Your husband's gonna be in trouble!"
"Your man better not make you mad!"
"Guess I better not tick you off!"
Ok...so they're not different at all. I don't find it surprising though. I understand that it would take quite a bit of a mental adjustment for a man to accept that...
...A woman he's dating does something so rough (I just had to explain 3X to a guy that we spar live)
...A woman he's dating gets that close with other guys (north-south is bound to raise some eyebrows)
...A woman he's with really DOES have a chance of inflicting harm on him.
I imagine it's an adjustment that would take some time.
"Your boyfriend better watch out!"
"Your husband's gonna be in trouble!"
"Your man better not make you mad!"
"Guess I better not tick you off!"
Ok...so they're not different at all. I don't find it surprising though. I understand that it would take quite a bit of a mental adjustment for a man to accept that...
...A woman he's dating does something so rough (I just had to explain 3X to a guy that we spar live)
...A woman he's dating gets that close with other guys (north-south is bound to raise some eyebrows)
...A woman he's with really DOES have a chance of inflicting harm on him.
I imagine it's an adjustment that would take some time.
14 comments:
Haha, reading that NEARLY made me feel sorry for some guys. Nearly... ;-)
Watch out of those rough and scary BJJ girls!
The right one will think it's awesome! He should be happy to partner with such a strong empowered women.
Great post. As Family Mat-ters said, the right one will think it's awesome.
And to paraphrase Ms. Sheryl Crow, this is what I ask myself of any potential suitor: "Is he strong enough to be my man?"
If he isn't, ladies, move on and keep rollin.
They do seem to be a rare breed. I've never met any guys in person whose girlfriends train, and have gotten the same reaction from guys (both now and in the past, when I trained other martial arts). Nod and smile... :-P
I've just started training 6 weeks ago and my partner trains, there are four ladies in our club and three of us have partners who train. We haven't had any issues and it's great to have someone at home to practice with and someone who understands when you're hurting after a big training session. I really enjoy training with him and even having a roll with him in class...(it's always fun to submit him :) ) I think when they train they understand what's actually happening if you are partnered with another bloke and that there's nothing sexual about it.
It's a little weird for my husband. I had already been married 6 years when I started training. He doesn't train. Now people make fun of us when they hear about it, saying similar things to JJ as you mentioned. At first, I will admit it was a source of conflict. He still doesn't understand why I love BJJ so much. But now he is very supportive of me doing BJJ. I think that is because he has seem how much BJJ has helped me grow as a person.
Yeah...Besides Georgette and Allie, I don't know many couples where just the woman trains.
A.D....do you think your husband would ever want to start training?
Georgette said her hubby does train, just not extensively. Mine does not and he has no interest. He loves that I do, and is very supportive (despite some of my posts!). I sometimes wish he trained, because it's so much fun. We were married 14 years before I started. I can see how if I were unattached, I might lean toward someone who trained. Less to explain, less awkwardness.
I think there are a few different categories of women that train BJJ. I have seen some that train because they love a challenge, some because they want a fun way to stay in shape, and yes some that do it to meet guys and some to meet girls(obviously this is going to happen). It takes YEARS to become good at jiu jitsu, and the people that refer to it as some sort of self defense way to beat people up seem to always be the new people to the sport. After years of training, we just want to roll and improve. We rarely think of all of these silly distractions. Provided the gym is a safe and respectful one (most are) only the uneducated would think negative (north south - come on!) of the interactions between men and women. Being honest, most of the time I can't stand practising with a woman and would like to train with someone my size or bigger in order to improve.
That size deal...Kyle, I think you've inspired my next post. I truly believe that anyone that can't learn from someone smaller is admitting to a fault on their end.
Being a larger woman, I'm also big on not segregating partners by gender first off...mostly because there are so many small women and large women.
I'd agree on the classes of women that train and think it applies to men too.
I think the biggest problem for girls is not that it's a rough physical sport but the fact that everything about the bjj academy very often is male dominated. Like often there is no place to change for girls and very often there is only just one girl in a class, so it's a bit more of a challenge, some guys refuse to spar with you, others are a bit uncomfortable.
I think it's upto to the academy to encourage girls to train, I think the teacher should try to give additional attention as it is harder for girls to get adjusted and get over the first few months when everyone is much better than you and also bigger!
Coming from a country where there are zero women who train in grappling, i would love to date a female BJJ athlete, as i would always have someone to spar with or discuss techniques. In the 5 years that I have been training in BJJ, i have realized that dating a dedicated grappler can be hard for women, especially in a highly homophobic country like India where 80% of the people think we must be gay for rolling around bare chested.
I train, my partner doesn't. We joke about how I get partnered with the youngest boy in class (he is in his late teens, and my partner is a bit younger than me too). Honestly, men who do not train should be proud that, if push came to shove, their woman probably doesn't need him to protect her, so he had better scrub up elsewhere!
Anon from India - I get your pain. I'm Indian too, and trying to convince my mum to let me continue going and not emotionally blackmail me into dropping out was a slog! Especially when discussing guard and such. Eek.
But she came around. Let people who think stupid things think them. They probably couldn't take you on anyway :) *Indians In BJJ High-five*
You would think more men would see women training as a bonus.
What do you think brought your mother around?
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