I...LOVE...BJJ people.

Meg was one of the first blogs I started reading when I began training, and in all these years she's never disappointed. This though? I was giddy reading it, smiling the entire time.

BJJ, Women and Feminisms

It's a post on the problem of seeing Brazilian women as inherently more sexual than Anglo women and, well, it's just brilliant, scholarly, introspective, aware on both micro and macro levels, and obviously rooted in concern for the subject and humans involved. Megs rock. 

21 Days: Day 2-Peace with my hair

Another huge positive BJJ has brought into my life? Peace with my hair.

The journey to hair peace is a long one for any Black woman...many don't ever make it. I'm not talking about accepting the color or thinness or weird tendency to frizz...I mean getting to a point where the dead cells your scalp produces aren't something bad...when they aren't something to be covered or combated, beaten down with heat and chemicals and sheer physical force.

It's no short trip. Every now and again, I'll see a hair on the mat and feel a twinge of that old embarrassment I did at my predominately White middle school-a place where my hair was something strange and foreign, something teased and questioned. Even during my time training, I've heard jokes about pubic hair in reference to my shed strands. It's all part of the process.

While I was chemically treating my hair, training BJJ meant I literally had to choose between keeping my hair and training. Black hair is generally fragile, and the commonly practiced forms of straightening make it even more so. Mind you, I didn't go willingly. I was texturizing my hair only once a year, but still, it was breaking terribly. Even with the use of my balaclava, it wasn't growing the way I wanted.

So now my hair grows in its natural texture. My afro is full and fluffy, and flops from length, not damage. It's a good place to be. Every inch grown is a step closer to my previously waist length hair and the irreverently huge 'fro I want, not a reminder of time ticking on the relaxer clock. It's a good place to be. 

Why I love the Raspberry Ape, but don't want to see the tables turn again...

There are a few things Facebook is actually good for. For me, one is talking out issues like this one. I had to ask myself some questions about my own, visceral reactions to the Kyra Gracie shoot. I had to ask those questions again when models wearing nothing but body paint cropped up as props to sell gis. Seeing that, I sighed, but it didn't REALLY bother me...not like the Kyra shoot. That's why I was a little surprised to see a few women react similarly to both. One of those reactions (and honestly the one I have the biggest problem with) is the "turnabout is fair play" or "parody" response.

Why do I have a problem? Mostly because the two sets of images are not the same: 

First off, Kyra's shoot...

• Kyra's a big name in BJJ.*
• The images (as far as I can tell) weren't directly used to sell a product (though they eventually might have been) and instead were spread by Kyra on her personal page.
• The image boils down to the sexualization of her body, enhanced and contextualized by the use of the gi.
• She is the main subject of the photo

The Company's shoot...

• The Company is small and the models are unknown.
• The images are used on the company website, featuring the products they are looking to sell.
• The image involves the objectification of the female form, not outright sexualization (high heels aside). It's only sexualized if you consider nudity inherently sexual.
• The women are props in the photo

Parody, like paying homage, is difficult. To be done correctly, you have to not only understand the elements of the original work, but also what they mean in context. You not only have to understand why the original subject is ridiculous, but you also have to be able to execute it with the finesse to focus on the ridiculous, not get tripped up by all the other moving parts of the piece, AND not get distracted by all the other messages you may want to insert. So yeah...I think it should be used sparingly and carefully, especially in a day where nothing is really private..

Take Robin Thicke's abysmal video for Blurred Lines. (Have you seen the uncensored version??) It somehow offended the liberal, conservative, womanist, musician...pretty much every part of me that could be offended. It was BEGGING to be parodied...and parody happened. Once here in what I'm calling parody A, and again here in what I'm calling parody B. 

Parody A, the more popular of the two, gets it. The original is ridiculous in its own right...beyond the norms of the issues women face in media. All they had to do was genuinely switch out men for women and women for men and bam. Parody. It even managed to challenge ideals of the acceptable female form by simply doing very little (which actually took more work).  

Parody B trips up a bit (ok, a lot). They switched the gender roles...oh wait no! They ONLY switched the sexes! They managed to keep gender roles well in tact, with the women still in high heels, short skirts, full make up, and the men in...underwear (because, apparently, nudity is the same as objectification). They seem to have totally missed the point that the original video's problem was not the showing of skin. They did it in the name of asserting women's rights to dress how they choose? Sorry, but sexy women in this context, dilutes the message...to the point that it's actually reinforcing gender stereotypes...kind of like the original. Surprising (and yet, not) for students of feminism (Correction, they are law students). It strikes me as mostly reactionary, focusing more on men as Bad Guys (as opposed to the equally shallow Heros) that must be combated rather than the actual social issues for which they are sometimes willing (or unconscious) vehicles. 

Back to BJJ...

Why don't I want to see The Company parodied?

• I don't like objectification. At all. Of any human. I get why it could be important, possibly even useful here, but I'm not the Machiavellian type. There are better ways to tackle the problem. 
• Sex may or may not sell, but controversy definitely does. I wrote about it a while back and I stand by the research and the claims. There's a company out there doing something shocking, and shocking makes $. I know it might make a few people feel good to see the shoot redone, but I'd hate to see that ending up as more sales for The Company (who I really think only cares about sales and couldn't possibly care less about women's reactions).  
• Whoever does it, will do it wrong. I promise they will. It's not enough to get hot guys, slap on some body paint and stand them in between two women in gis...because the paint isn't the problem. Imagine the shoot done again, instead, with the women in question in rashguards and a full gi. They're STILL superfluous and still objects.

It's not the naked that's the issue, it's the use of a human as an object. Sure, you can say that using a man as an object turns the tables, but it's not the same. Men can easily (as in the case of the Daniel Strauss/The Raspberry Ape) jump into a position of objectification and jump right out and return to their lives, never having to deal with street harassment, hyper-sexualized imagery, etc. that women walk through every day. The social practices that lead to the company choosing to create the ad they did, are pervasive (car/motorcycle, deodorant, beer ads). It's incredibly difficult to capture the depth of what's behind all that without something as extreme as Parody A.

.So yeah, if someone does decide to do a hot guy shoot, I will be just a little disheartened.


*A little off-topic foot note for anyone who has responded to my critique of Kyra claiming that she can't be held responsible for the effects her behavior and images have on the community...I'm an all-or-nothing kind of person when it comes to things like this. Either we give her credit for inspiring some women and discouraging others, or she gets no credit at all. I don't understand how we can, in the same breath, say that she serves as an example to both women and men who train of a woman who deserves respect, but then ignore the fact that some of her actions might have some negative consequences. 

My mistake in the Kyra Gracie hullabaloo..

You've probably run across all the talk of Kyra's (not horrible, but NSFW) most recent sexy-shot and the following parody. I first want to say I'm VERY thankful for Julia's analysis of the subject. But yeah...my reaction to seeing her picture went something like this

...dude. 
Seriously? 
Again? 
Guess I'm going to be hiding from the dude-bros of Reddit for a while.
She's got such amazing credentials, does she REALLY need to do this publicly?
Well, she is Brazilian. They view bodily exposure differently. Cultural context and whatnot. 
I should blog something.
No. I need to marinate first. 
Screw that, I gotta go train. 

Then I saw the picture with Dan Strauss and cried with laughter for a solid minute.

This man...is brilliant
Look at his thigh!
Is he mocking her?
His...THIGH!
No...this is what parody is and he's brilliant...and his thigh.

A lot of reactions to two pictures, but only one was genuinely wrong. See that sixth one? The one about Brazilians? Yeah. I even posted something similar to Georgette's Facebook. I've said it before in discussions of other sexual images of Brazilian women in jiu jitsu. I'm a little bit ashamed of the reaction, especially considering my own experiences. I've had men yell "Hey! Moesha!" behind me in Mexico. I've had Arab men walk up and whisper strange things in my ear in Hong Kong (I was warned about this because, well, Black women in the area are usually prostitutes). I know the stereotypes of Brazilian women and what men do to navigate them. I've sat and listened to Brazilian women lament how they're "treated like meat" and how Western (well, North American) men react with sexual approval upon finding out that they're Brazilian. I've heard them express the burden that "having" to be sexy all the time, even in business situations, can carry. I've been asked if I were Brazilian by creepy guys, and I've watched the plummeting disappointment on their faces when they find out, that, well, no. I can only imagine the reaction if I'd said yes.

See...it's REAL easy to pigeonhole people. (Do all Brazilians REALLY love the beach? Don't most of them live like, nowhere near a coast? Are we imposing the culture of Rio on an entire nation?) It's even easier when it's done in an effort to give them "permission" to do things we may be culturally inclined to condemn (like sexual photos). Talk to pretty much any BJJ guy (well, any younger one), and you'll hear a characterization of Brazilian women as always sexually available, more willing to adjust their lives and appearances according to the tastes of heterosexual men, not as "difficult" as American women...and to a degree that's true. This is where it gets tricky though. Women in BJJ are already rejecting a LOT of stereotypes about female behavior, and yet I easily fell in line with the stereotype...likely searching for a way to "liberate" Kyra's behavior from control of an other. Why didn't I take a cue from the fact that you don't see other Brazilian women in BJJ posing sexually in the gi very often? Bea Mesquita? Gezary Matuda? They stand much more to gain from sexy BJJ pics than Kyra, and you don't see it happening. I failed to look at the image and think "Maybe Kyra's doing this because Kyra's doing this."

That's the hard part about intersectionality. Things just aren't clear cut.  It takes a lot of comparison to even come to a close guess about someone's reasons for their behavior...but then, I'm in the Road-to-Hell camp when it comes to intent. Especially when talking a celebrity, especially when we're talking media in the day of social media. I don't care what you wanted to see happen or what you felt. Actual impact far outweighs that, and it's really what I'm interested in discussing. Well, that and my own reactions, which in this case, were a learning moment. 

Men Admiring Women

Sometimes I take for granted how awesome my gym is for women. We have ladies ranging from white to black, my first partner was MMA fighter Jessica Aguilar and world champion Gezary Matuda calls our mats home. 

Gezary Matuda

I was sitting next to one of our promising green belt guys last night during the first round of sparring. He nudged me and motioned toward Gezary--"Wow...did you see that transition?? That was insane. Her flow is ridiculous...did you see what she did?? It was like...Bam! And she was on top!" He sat in deep focus the rest of the round.

That...that right there is one of moments that's a stark reminder to me of how special BJJ is. You don't hear men admiring...genuinely admiring women very often. Mentioning how technical WNBA players are doesn't count...I'm talking sincere admiration, in the sense they see something that they personally want to see in themselves.

I didn't think about it until later, but this also highlights the importance of the signals men send other men. No doubt the green belt saw other guys congratulating her, getting advice from her and watching for ideas. Her husband trains and is two belt ranks lower, and on the mats, the belts are all that matters. Jiu jitsu is the standard.

There is so much value to be found in mixed-gender classes, and even cross-gender sparring. I'm a firm believer that the -isms of societies can't be cured until we learn to see each other as individual humans, each deserving of respect--there are precious few things out there more human than the lessons and insights that BJJ gives. 

"Kids aren't any more cruel than adults...they just haven't learned how to mask it yet."

That statement will always stick with me. My therapist aunt made it during a discussion of bullying.

Reading Ryron Gracie's post on Mother's Day brought it back to mind. Specifically this statement:

"Through every year of my life and to this day, I have heard men mock, lie, tease, belittle, and place themselves above women and I completely understand why.  The same way a child bullies another because of insecurities, men bully women.  Keep the women down and we will stay on top."

I've talked before how kids, women...honestly, any minority, frequently plays the canary in the coal mine of society, but I think that analogy is a bit off.  To say that sounds like the toxic conditions that affect the birds manifest themselves naturally or on their own. Ryron's post opened up a different connection for me...I realized that sometimes, those in power or privilege are emitting the gases themselves. The gasses of sexism, ageism  racism, class-ism, weight-ism, homophobia...they're all carefully crafted bullying, mostly carried out by adults.

That all, is why the current discussion of bullying disturbs me just a bit. Children, to an extent, are mirrors. They learn their behavior from adults, and while the effects are more poignant to watch in the form of a child's tears or a teenager's suicide note, they are no less real in the alcoholism of a co-worker or eating disorder of a friend.

When people tell me they're surprised that I spend my free time around fighters and grapplers, I tell them that what happens in a cage is nothing compared to the subtle and quiet violence against the ego that I watch people so masterfully carry out in the spaces that we've deemed "professional" and "polite".

I wonder why we never have this conversation plainly...why we have a need to dress up childish oneupsmanship in sophisticated terms. Maybe because if we paint it with too broad a brush...if we simply call it a need to control, or a need to dominate, or a need to look down on another to feed our need to feel special...maybe then it will just become too hard to run from, too hard to push off on an "-ist", too personal.

Feelings on split gender classes...

After a couple of responses to my last post, I feel the need to repost a comment I left and expound just a little bit on my thoughts on split gender education.

When it comes to cerebral education, children are starting from a generally level playing field. When it comes to adults (the childrens' classes are mixed gender), this is absolutely not true. Women have spent years being conditioned to be gentle, nice, timid, deferential, controllable and even scared. As much as I'm inspired by the story of a woman fighting through the the difficulties of being a minority on the mats, I'm coming to acknowledge that not all women are natural fighters...that not all of us were born with, or still have the will to challenge all the norms that BJJ throws in our faces. 

As long as the women in question are getting quality education, I believe that these women deserve the chance to learn BJJ just as much as any others, even if they have to take a different path. 

That's basically where I stand on the whole deal. I think it's a mistake to pretend that society doesn't start women from a very different place than it starts men in relation to physical contact...it's like expecting men to be fluent in emotional expression right off the bat--chances are they just haven't had the years and decades of practice women have. I also think it's very easy for those of us women who do train, and aren't scared to have a 250lb man sweating and breathing on us can quickly forget that other people are coming from other places. 

It makes me think of those branches of feminism that condemn women who want to get married, be housewives and have the 2.5 kids, dog, and that fence. It makes me think of the Keith Owen, STFU and train attitude. As a group of women, regardless of how I feel about their goals, I do believe they deserve respect and consideration, as long as they are being addressed from a position of a genuine desire to serve and improve.

Ideally, I'd like to see two optional points of entry for women...mixed gender and split, with properly qualified instructors in each (that will probably mean different qualifications too). That's something that's probably not feasible for most schools to pull off, but that's my ideal. 

Visiting the Valente Brothers with Eddie Kone

The Internet amazes me sometimes. On Thursday I found myself sitting and discussing branding with a black belt from the UK who, just six months before, was little more than a voice echoing through my speakers at work. The power of podcasts.

I spent a day this week down at the Valente Brothers', talking with them about the history of gis (apparently, they're the go-to people when talking about the feedback loop of form and function of the BJJ gi), and hanging out with UK black belt, Eddie Kone. It was all for research for GiFreak, and it was a great day. There's something amazingly cool about finally meeting in person, someone you've been talking to online...I've met Allie from Allie the Clear Belt at a tournament and...that's about it. Pretty crazy considering how many other BJJ bloggers are in Florida...even crazier considering how many bloggers I know from the UK, that I'd meet Eddie before, say, Can..

Eddie Kone of EKBJJ...amazingly cool guy

So I was a little antsy coming into this. I'd been referred to talk to the Valentes about gis and through some grand coincidence, Eddie, who I'd met through Twitter, was coming over to Florida to spend some time there, so I decided to roll down to Miami for a day. I've never walked into another academy for a reason other than an open mat, so I read up on some of Julia's experiences and Val's tips on visiting other academies, and acted accordingly.  I was a bit surprised to find out that their program is split gender, but was glad to see Pedro more than open to talk about that. 

I came in, and immediately started scanning the mats for a familiar face. Finding someone who you've only seen in static pictures on Facebook can be tricky, and being who I am, saw who I THOUGHT was Eddie, and started waving happily. He immediately started waving back...and then I noticed the brown belt around his waist. I have a habit of waving enthusiastically at people I've mistaken for someone else. Normally, though, I can just go about my business, but I spent the next couple of hours feeling like the weirdo-visitor that's way too happy to see strangers, and avoiding eye contact with the brown-belt who was probably thinking I was in love with him. 

After class

I settled myself down in the viewing area and Gui came over and started telling me about their teaching philosophy, why they don't start from their knees, why classes are broken into sparring and technique (sparring optional) and finally, started telling me about the gis which looked INSANELY thin to me. They were cropped at both the sleeves and the legs, and made of a slightly heavier version of what you'd see in a cotton fabric on the street...no where near even the light weaves most practitioners would know. After talking with Pedro though, it made a lot more sense. All that's going into an article for GiFreak.

So the women's classes...I really wasn't sure what to make of the segregated classes at first. They didn't immediately put me off, because I know that there can be benefits for separating out minorities in certain educational situations. I asked Pedro straight out about it though, and he pointed out something about women who train jiu jitsu that I'm aware of, but that I don't think much about. 

According to Gui, their women's program boasts about 30 students and 14 or so in normal classes. Proportion aside, these numbers struck me as much higher than your average, mixed gender school. Pedro explained that they cater mostly to women that are exposed to the art through their children and husbands/partners. He said that they focus on women that are more timid in spirit, especially compared to the average woman who trains at more sport-focused schools. They do though, have a few women who train with the men, the most recent being a pair of sisters who are about to test for black. If a woman wants to be promoted to black belt, she has to train with the men. Before that, it's left for the individual to decide, and the instructor to recommend, when mixed-gender training should be introduced.

He loves crocs...and dragging people into the sun. Apparently they don't have one in London.

So yeah...very educational trip and it was great to connect with some friends from overseas. 

Privilege in BJJ

This is a topic I don't think I could have gotten my thoughts together properly on to discuss. Julia, however, does an excellent job on a primer on what it means to be a man in jiu jitsu. Check it out, give it a thorough read.

Jiu jitsu has challenged me socially lately. My normal world is full of a mix of people, but this is one of the few times in my life where I've been exposed to a relatively large number of people who apparently aren't used to spending time around people who are/think/look/live differently than they do...at least not doing so in a respectful manner. For the sake of my own emotional well being (which has been compromised lately because of work), I've been steering clear of discussions online, but they seem to have found me, both on the Internet and in real life. So yeah...honestly, most of these discussions have come back to the concept of demographic privilege that Julia does a great job of breaking in.

This part? Awesome.

Privilege is not negated. I can’t balance my white privilege against my female disadvantage and come out neutral. 
Privilege is not something you can be exempt from by having had a difficult life. 
Privilege is not inherently bad. It really isn’t.

So yeah...check it out.

"Men are encouraged to suck."

It's been a weird morning...my cat woke me up just in time to run into a text from my brother that led me into the Internet purgatory known as Cracked.com, specifically a piece by David Wong.

I had intended to sleep a bit late and head over to the gym for our semi-annual belt promotion ceremony (Ryan's going to black and GinasticaInstructor's going to brown!!), but instead, I've spent the early morning wondering about men. Not just because of Cracked, but also because of this article that Georgette posted recently about the Avellan brothers and their mind-blowingly original use of half naked, contorted women to sell a jiu jitsu product.


I watched a couple of the clips...a bit stomach turning first thing in the morning, but I pushed through. (I'm becoming almost desensitized to racism and sexism these days because, well, a lot of people in positions of power-and weakness-have taken the attitude that they're entitled to them and they're plowing ahead in reactionary full-force.) What ended up striking me most (yes, even more than the bad technique) was the complete lack of respect for the intended audience (and for jiu jitsu, but that's a post for another day). Talking with men who trained has highlighted this tendency in male entertainment for me, but in this case, it was disgustingly blatant.

It's easy in the talk of sexism...any ism, to get stuck completely on the oppression of the weaker party. For good reason or bad, that is the most obvious, and I believe most important reaction...still though, there is, inherent in almost every institutionalized -ism, a self-degradation of the oppressor. Objectification of a living creature is not a one way street. It requires a dabbling in emotional suicide. I didn't realize this until I read the section on slave masters in this book, and how, after spending days in the fields, physically and emotionally destroying their chattel,  they were simply unable to come home and be good fathers and husbands. Basically, the lives of White families were being destroyed slowly, internally, along with the human beings they had acquired, supposedly for their own benefit.

That principle is forever burned into my mind.

The Cracked article--just a few minutes later, I read this, and #5...the idea that men are trained by society to think they are owed a "hot girl"...struck me. Culturally ingrained entitlement, be it family culture, gender culture, or whatever else, is never a service. This video made me wonder...can disrespect for the consumer possibly be so blatant and intentional that it overrides even disrespect for the subject in an ad? If it can, these videos are wonderfully twisted first steps. (Before anyone replies with "it's just entertainment", I do not believe in neutral media. I do not believe we are left unchanged by any interactions we have in life, no matter how convenient it may be to think so.)

BJJ provides things I think men need, especially in modernized societies. It provides things I think off the mats, some try to reclaim in acts of sexism and misogyny. That's why I say these videos are twisted. They remove (possibly intentionally) so much of the power of jiu jitsu...all the potential to improve, uplift and transcend...erased with the flick of some hair and a pair of hot pants.

Still, even with the tacit agreement of Cracked, I had to get some outside insight from a live male perspective--so I talked to my brother. He responded with the title of this blog post. He qualified that with the fact that men are encouraged to improve and achieve externally and tangibly, but anything beyond that...anything involving integrity, personal development and relationships..."We're encouraged to lie, cheat, flatter, flirt, brag, boast, bluff, one-up, demean and destroy. Sports? We're definitely encouraged to hurt other players-physically and emotionally, but all within the rules". (See Keith Owen's blatant refusal to improve as an instructor thinly veiled by cries of unfair treatment and insincere efforts to "help".)

I never expected it, but training has taught me more about heterosexual male culture than I ever thought possible. 

Men and Menstrual Blood

The men of BJJ amaze me sometimes. I've learned more about the male mind and manly sensibilities than I did in business school. But this? Totally surprised me. A frank discussion about the possibility of them having a female partner bleed on them during her period? Addressing how they'd tell their partner they'd had an accident? I expected ewws and vomiting emoticons galore. But instead, this happened.

Kudos dudes. Kudos to you all...well...you most. 

Rape Awareness Shirt

The poster says it all, but please read and share. It's a great time to pick up one of Meerkatsu's pieces.

Women as Commodity

I was all prepared to come home and express my misgivings about the meme below, but then I ran across this post from Georgette. It outlines yet another tale of rape by a BJJ teammate. This time unreported. It also points out how common rape is and, more importantly, raises a key question in this issue. Do women who train trust too soon? Are we conflating time spent together with trust built?

But the meme...yeah...I guess it's good and all, but it assumes that people who rape see rape as something that needs to be stopped. Make this list about eating meat (which I don't see as morally wrong...well, at least not this month) and it would roll right off my back.

I believe that there are many, many men whose primary issue doesn't start at the realm of the sexual and therefore, I don't believe the solution lies there either. There are men who see women as existing for no reason other than consumption--visually, emotionally, financially and, yes, physically. Rape is just one tiny piece of a very big issue.

The rape of a teammate

You've likely read the reports already, but if not, here it is at the Washington Times. A couple of things to get out front.

• Both of these criminals need to be prosecuted and punished as harshly as the law (which is likely too lax) allows. 
• It wasn't her fault.
• It's not too early to talk about it. Yes, legally the rape was alleged, but there was video and both men have been arrested. Anything left is technicalities.  
• People should be able to have a few drinks and expect NOT to be assaulted/raped/attacked by anyone. 
• As a community that constantly...and I mean constantly emphasizes self-defense, it would be hypocritical for us now to focus only on punishing the offenders and not discussing the situation surrounding the crime. 

I'm hesitant to even talk alcohol and acquaintance because it will inevitably come off with a hint of condemnation of the victim...but I'm going to try.

80% of rape victims know their assailant. That means that it's not just the creepy guy in the club or the stranger around the corner that are the risks. That means that even if you carry mace/pepper spray/a gun, you're likely not even going to be of the mindset/proximity to access those tools in a situation like this. That means that the fact that the she was raped by teammates and not strangers shouldn't be shocking. It's the norm for rape. As one commentor on the article put it "Contrary to popular belief, all criminals don't wear dreads, wear their pants sagging, wear hoodies, or live in the inner city."

Two men in my life...upstanding, educated, very conventional looking men--who have been convicted of rape--I would NEVER have suspected either of them. I'll never forget a male friend sitting me down afterward, looking me dead in the eye and quite chillingly telling me "If they got caught this time, they've done it before." (what that says about what men know about other men that rape out of convenience is an issue unto itself). Since then, I know...quite certainly...that the nice guy is not out of the question. I know that every man that rapes isn't driving around in a ski mask with duct tape in his trunk. Some are just taking advantage of an opportunity when it presents itself. I'm a firm believer of being aware of when you're present that opportunity.

I don't believe that women should be running scared from every man they know...at some point we need to be able to relax and trust...but I do think it is important that we start being honest about the circumstances around this type of crime, especially as a community that teaches self-defense. 

"Safety Cat" Self Defense Keychain

A friend sent me this today. It's a key chain that can be worn around the knuckles for use in a self defense situation. I find the reviews a bit funny, since none cite use in an actual defense situation, but at $5, I'm considering checking one out. Even in a close situation, I can see it being useful.

Big Chicks: Gabi vs. Marcelo

Whoever did this was a genius. The match itself is awesome, but the music makes it absolutely charming. Seeing Gabi Garcia and Marcelo Garcia? So happy.

BJJ and Black Hair: Training changes everything

Somehow, while training BJJ, the great destroyer of hair regardless of race or texture, I simultaneously found peace with my mane. My ends weren't splitting terribly and when stretched, it was hitting between arm pit and bra-strap length. Then, a few months ago while detangling my crown (a.k.a. the stubborn area) in the shower, I noticed large clumps coming out into my comb. Most people don't notice, but my previously thick, fluffy, free-form afro had turned limp, patchy and downright sad. I was in denial for a few weeks, but then I had to accept it. The head of hair that had been so resilient ..the one that had survived an accidental switch from ammonia based treatments to lye...it was damaged. Badly. Extra chemical processing, the effects of a long-term texturizer, permanent color and laziness using my balaclava (it's really a great solution for hair protection, check the link out) had resulted in the destruction of my hair.

For those of you unfamiliar with BJJ, even light practice involves a lot of friction with the hair against mats  (have a look at competition here) and hard cotton fabric (you could genuinely exfoliate with some gis). Large chunks of hair are easily pulled out (see horrifying cornrow story below), either getting caught under limbs or unfortunately caught up in an errant grip...and then there's the drying effect of frequent showers. BJJ exposes you to quite a few nasty bugs, so a spongy mass of hair that's gone unwashed just isn't a viable option.

Back when I had hair all over my head...

Leticia Ribeiro: A Short Film

I've really dropped the ball writing about the Leticia Ribeiro seminar I attended a couple weeks back. It was a great experience and she's a really detailed instructor. Well, today, Hywel over at BJJHacks sent over this video on Leticia. What I love most about it is that you can really feel how important the personal aspect of BJJ resonates with her. Sit down and have a look...

I feel gym-fat.

I'm always amazed at how off my body image can be...and that's in either direction. I think I'm thinner than I am when I've gained weight and larger than I am when I lose.

I was rooting around in some old CDs last night while trying to find the installation disc for my wireless router and ran across a disc with some video from a vacation on it.

When I first started dancing Salsa, I saw the clip below on YouTube and was mesmerized by the Chinese guy dancing (not to mention the awesomeness of the song). His name is Huo Yao Fei and is a great Cuban style dancer who spent years studying on the island. I jokingly swore to a friend that I would dance with him one day.



Well, that CD that I found had the video of me finally getting that dance with him in Beijing. (Dude's lead is crazy subtle)



The crazy part though, is that viewing it last night, I thought "wow, look at how less bulky I was." At the time though, I felt much larger than I looked, even on film and even larger than I "feel" now, even with extra jiu jitsu mass. I need to keep a more objective look at myself and strangely, jiu jitsu makes that harder. While I feel street-thinner, starting agility/ginastica class has me feeling gym-fat...basically, my point of reference has changed. I expect more. While before training I might have viewed my weight in relation to your average, sized 14, 169 lb and 5'4" American woman(I still swear that seems a bit skewed toward the heavy/short side) who does little more than walk, type and hit your occasional spin class, I now see myself in relation to fitter people AND see where excess weight slows me down and makes upper body work insanely hard.

I'm counting this as a growing pain though...both of physical improvement, and of getting past physical self-acceptance and into self-appreciation. 

Nobody wants to roll with the big chicks...not even Emily Wetzel.

Not gonna lie...been wondering about this one again lately. I kinda always thought that, but until the second time a big blue teased me about the guys being scared to roll with me because I'm "so big and strong", it was something I pushed to the back of my mind. Unfortunately, anytime that got pushed back, what came to the front was that I sometimes get picked last because, well, I suck. Ladybug, my trusty partner in jiu jitsu crime and fellow "big girl", is shipping out soon, so I'm going to have to face this head on in the very near future.

I was beyond surprised to hear this very topic addressed in an interview with black belt Emily Wetzel over at Mat Time Radio. Surely, someone as accomplished as her has guys chasing her down--she's 6'5", definitely large enough for them not to fall victim to "porcelain princess" syndrome...and she's a black belt! Technique flows from her very eyeballs!

Well, thanks to Can over at Slideyfoot for sharing that interview, because Emily admits that she still feels ignored. The most interesting thing about her coming out with that bit of information was the reaction of the guys hosting the interivew. They suggested quite directly that it was because guys just don't want to lose to a woman. More woman equals more potential for loss. When Emily responded that she didn't think that was the case, I heard myself. I'm REALLY big on taking men at what they say...they tend to be more direct creatures than women. This subject though? It's a tough pill to swallow...why, I'm not 100% sure.

That's Emily on the right...but you probably guessed that.

This interview though, is probably going to go down as one of my all time favorites. So much of her story and the way she spoke struck a personal chord with me.

It starts heavy, with her recounting the assault of her, and rape of another woman and her being left with feelings of guilt that she didn't do anything about it, and surprise that anyone would attack someone as large as her. I chuckled a bit when she said that, because one of the guys just this week mentioned that "no man would ever mess with Megan." I laughed at the time, but I know it's not true. When it IS true, it's not just because of my size. I've seen large women in abusive relationships with short, nonathletic, puddles of men. Men they could easily run away from and possibly even handle physically. It's not about your size, or even their size. It just isn't.

She continued the interview talking about her upbringing in a very academic household, being raised by two professors. I'm no artist, but I do know that in the world of the artistic and the learned, it is easy to forget not only your physical self, but the physical selves of others, especially the others with malintent. I understood what she said when shared that she didn't come up in a violent household. She comes from Olympic stock and played basketball professionally, but still, even with her familiarity with competitive physicality...she wasn't familiar with violence, so when it came calling, she froze.

Me...I come from a family of athletes and raised by a father who insisted I be prepared for a fight. Just this previous weekend, I went to my grandmother's house wanting to find some mementos of her. She'd already given me a lot while she was alive...after you crack 85 or so, unless you're in some MAJOR denial, I think people naturally start parsing out their stuff to loved ones. Well, I had all the bakeware I wanted, so I went for something else.

I took the machete by her bed.

I find it comforting, funny and sweet. Knowing that even in her sleepy little town, my elderly, Christ-loving, cake-baking grandmother was actively aware of the threat of violence AND made preparations for it, made me sharply aware of its presence. Still. Because I have never been the victim of violence, I am not 100% sure I would have responded any differently than Emily. As she said "Men can be predators" and as she also plainly put, sometimes, jiu jitsu really does feel like you're being assaulted. I didn't, really admit how much until returning after my last break. When I first started, and now, after breaks, I tend to have nightmares of being attacked. Maybe it's the MSM (it's great for joints, but that stuff can do trippy things if you take it too close to bed time), but I think it's just the nature of the beast. I do not believe that anyone should live in fear, but we prepare for bad weather, financial problems and health issues and I firmly believe all women should know that violence happens, and be able to, at the very least, not freeze.

She went on to tell of her reluctance to compete...again, that hit home. Competition is important at my school, but I'm genuinely uninterested. She talked of competitions saying "They're pretty horrible. I don't really enjoy them yet" and again I was surprised. I have it in my head that most people enjoy competing, even if they dislike the nerves that come with it. She said she started because her instructor required them for promotion, which is common in California's competition-heavy BJJ culture.

She then brought up something that hit me as timely...I've been pretty disappointed by the responses of some of the people around me to the Treyvon Martin case...I'm a bit annoyed by the hoodies, but mostly because people have carelessly passed around outright falsified material just to assure themselves and their friends that the good guy/bad guy roles in the situation were filled in ways that made them feel all is right with the world (check your memes people). Emily told a story of her walking home one day and running into a lady being held to the ground by a Black man, screaming for him to let her go. She ran up, put the man in an RNC and the lady got up and ran, dropping her bags. She wondered why the lady didn't stay to thank her or collect her belongings, but it turns out she was a shop lifter and the guy was a security guard. My immediate reaction to her telling the story was annoyance at her needing to explain that the "attacker" was Black (this was before hearing the full story), but I give her credit for outright admitting that her actions were a result of her own racial profiling (she used those exact words).

Her best advice though, came in discussing choosing partners. She cautioned against white belts (I don't mess with them anymore unless they're female, or males that I know) and stressed the importance of choosing the brotherly guys even at higher levels. I give mad props to JazzHands, RebarForLigaments and some of the other guys for masterful combination of challenge and safety even at the blue belt level.

The interview reminded me of one of the things I love most about jiu jitsu. The sheer diversity of participants in the sport is absolutely beautiful. Emily is an amazing painter and is currently finishing up her MFA (she's actually missing the ADCC to defend her thesis). Her work can be seen at www.sheseemedlikesuchanicegirl.com