Friday, June 1, 2012

"You've got your whole life to learn this stuff."

I started the day all jiu jitsu happy, having found another Christian-grapply person and watching clips of Gabi Garcia in the 2011 pan ams. Funny how fragile a high can be. 

Tonight was one of those nights. I went to open mat after reviewing the 3rd chapter in The Guard thinking that I'd be able to tackle my closed guard issues head on and emerge with an amazing, impassible full guard that no longer defaulted to spider the second my feet were popped open.

I had to.

I wrong.

I picked a white belt to start working on my maintaining the guard. 5 minutes later and I was massively frustrated. Full a demon for me. I over-think it (I feel like I have 509348534958 options) AND feel like I should be good at it, so when it doesn't come quickly, I drop into one of those jiu jitsu funks I haven't experienced in so long. A few minutes in and I felt light-headed, nauseated and almost tapped out of exhaustion mid-roll (I didn't out of sheer pride). Usagi was on the sidelines, giving me tips. I...think I learned how to react better in top half when bottom-dude is trying something advantageous (triangle the leg and sprawl), but for the most part, I felt too crappy to hear or apply what he was saying. I'd completely shut down, mind, body and will.

I finished the round and crawled, shamed and exhausted, over to a space next to GinasticaInstructor who told me I frustrated myself so badly with full guard that I'd psyched myself out...and then he said something teh echoed in my head..."You've got your whole life to learn this stuff."

Yeah. That's why I started training. To spend time doing something without a timeline, self-imposed or otherwise. Even studying languages on my own, I put time-lines on myself for levels of comprehension and conversation. Jiu jitsu...I just can't do that to myself again. I need to learn something organically for once.

Well, I did another roll with Ryan and a compliment on difficulty sweeping me took the edge of the full guard shame. 

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