"I could not do what you do"

That's what my (very patient) cousin who gets all my jiu jitu updates told me tonight.

Was it because of the pain? The sweat? The feet? The crotchly proximity? Nope. It's the emotional vulnerability and constant threat of public failure. It's the reason I was two seconds from breaking down in tears on the mats tonight. She gets my frustrations because she can be just as hard-driving with herself as I am. When I told her that as I was getting frustrated, people noticed and started helping in various ways, she knew exactly what I meant when I said that that's hard for me...appreciated, but hard. She knew why a word of encouragement in a moment like that could draw tears.

We were doing takedowns. I have...serious issues with them. I was beyond thankful I was with Mr. Rebarforligaments because I require patience and a gentle hand when it comes to anything that involves transitioning between standing and...not standing. Part of it is because I don't compete...which means even though we do drill them in class, I'd be doing a lot more if I were out there vying for medals. The other part is just that this is one of those things I have physical issues with...kinda like standing guard passes used to be. Actually, I think the last time I almost broke down was a standing guard pass years back.

I think the core of it though, is that they leave me feeling incompetent...they leave me with the reminder that, no matter how much I improve my physical state, my sense of self is pretty solidly set in stone at this point (as I believe it should be)...basically, I don't think I'll ever see myself as competent in the world of athletics. That is a lot for me to accept. I think most people prefer to stick to worlds where they feel generally competent.



That really hit me at the Ginastica Natural seminar yesterday (that's a vid of our head instructor). Alvaro Romano came in to lead it and it's really turned the way I'm looking at training on its head. While I used to dread (DREAD) 10 min warmups, I now go once a week for an hour long class of something very similar (thanks to a year of prodding from Fiona and LadyBug). I'm still nervous before I go...I still get sick at the thought just as I did with PE a kid, but that's fading. I'd done 3 or so classes with GinasticaInstructor before the seminar, so I wasn't completely lost. I didn't do well, but I didn't injure anyone else either. I could see progress in that short a time and I left...dare I say...even a little proud of my progress. Still though, seeing how different I am now than I was when I started AND still feeling like the physically awkward slow kid, I realized that there is only so much of your identity you can shake. That was finally nailed home when I was talking to one of the brown belts after class, and he made a comment about training healthy people like me and him. The fact that he'd my name, his and "health" in the same sentence took me aback just a bit...I almost didn't understand what he was trying to say.

...I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. It's one of those things that just is...because feeling athletic isn't what drives me to learn jiu jitsu...neither is feeling unathletic. I just want to learn the art...unfortunately for me, takedowns are part of the deal. 

Blue belt is such a relief.

Call it maturity, focus, laziness or whatever you will, I've gotten to a point where I prefer to concentrate on one area of improvement at a time. This whole journey from white to blue, I've totally fallen off morning workouts. Yep...for 2 years. Partially because at first, my body couldn't handle any additional work. The second year though? I just didn't want to be disciplined enough to go to bed on time so I could get up early enough to knock out 20 min or so of exercise.

Burpees with Bad Knees...any advice?

I'd like to get going on these for some cardio, but coming up out of that squat kills my knees. Any alternative ideas?

Getting serious about injury prevention

I've been into Scott Sonnon's stuff since I first started BJJ and somehow, I've just discovered his blog. His most recent reflections on what kind of student he's been is a beautiful look back on a person's attitude during the training process.

And on that note, I've added the IntuFlow routine (first two levels available free on YouTube) to my morning routine. I already do FlowFit and occasional stuff from the Grappler's Toolbox. I think I latched onto it because he was the only person online I've seen to really address the movement and risks of grappling on such a holistic level--and being a total noob to the world, I need(ed) some major hand holding just to get through the door.

Back on FlowFit!!

My toes have officially let me get back to FlowFit. The first time was Tuesday...third round and I was already starting to fade. I just finished again, and I got through the 15 minutes (with a 1 minute break for some guard situps and hip shooting) and was pretty hyped the whole way. Oddly, my breathing has gotten better. You're supposed to inhale naturally through the nose and exhale with force, and that comes without much thought or effort now. It's also been a big help in maintaining my newly developed lung capacity.

Of Recipes and Recovery

Onward and upward in the quest to eat more vegetables. Today, I'm filling out my work lunch rotation with an improv dish...fresh tuna and mushroom casserole spiked with sweet peas and spinach.

It's pretty simple and you cut back on the salt by making the "soup" from scratch and using fresh tuna (gives it less of a fishy taste) instead of canned. I shaved a lot of the time off by not pre-boiling the noodles (works with lasagna too). You just water down the sauce some after you pour it into the casserole dish.

In other news...I'm clear to train again! I went to Dr. Fox today to get cleared to wean myself off the boot and start training again. I made my way back and he introduced me to a visiting doctor. He then explained that I hurt my toe training "for UFC". Doctor #2 laughed it off as a joke.

"Ha...I'm serious...I don't joke about that stuff."
"Oh wow..."

It was my third appointment since I started seeing him and I figured this visit would be similar to the others. Testing the bones to see if there was pain. Some nice banter about training. Oh-ho was I wrong. Little did Megan know that today it was time to clear out some of the scar tissue and adjust the clicking in my toes. He explained to me in his usual, calming tone (he has total yoga-voice) that he was going to manipulate my toes in order to remedy some of the clicking issue. Cool. He demonstrated how he was going to grip my toes and bend them away from the rest of my foot. Cool. He then stood up and I thought to myself  "hmm...I wonder why he's standing up. He probably did that for better leverage. Wait. Why does he need better lever...AHHHHH!!!!" I didn't actually scream...well, I did, but I swallowed it. After that though, my toes move more smoothly and the articulation is better than in the non-injured foot. Woo!

And now...dancing cats.

Healthy Foods I actually like

So I've been checking out some of the nutritional guidance at Precision Nutrition. I'm on part 4 for the free tutorials for women and fat loss and I'm proud to say that I seem to have discovered most of their tips on my own...I uh...just haven't been following them.

Five hours a week of exercise? Check. Better fats and more protein? Check. Not starving yourself? Done. They even suggested my exact protein shake recipe. My big problem has just been that I've been slipping on portion size and have stopped replacing carbs with vegetables. So...I need a little reminder on healthy foods I really like...

You win this round.

Broccoli...eating a broccoli omelet right now. I love the taste of it when it's overcooked
Spinach...even in its non-creamed state, it's good stuff
Asparagus...LOVE it baked (over baked) with lemon and olive oil
Nuts...pecans, cashews and pistachios only need apply
Herbs of all kinds...extra flavor with greenery points!
Fennel...cooked only. Cooked. Only.
Anything out of the sea...seriously...anything.

So yeah...making a small change back to where I used to be. Dinners that are based more on greens than potatoes again. Hopefully I won't miss the red creamers too much.

Battling the Baker

My eternal struggle to eat better persists.

In my 20s, I pretty much conquered the beasts of portion size and boredom eating. Now I have two, almost Herculean obstacles to overcome. Pastries and Greenery.

I love to bake. I bake when bored. If I want a chocolate cake with mousse filling and a hazelnut ganache, I can get one together as an after work project. Stressed? Better make a creme brulee. So, in an effort to slow down the eating, I've started freezing. It seems to be helping, since eating is more of result of seeing the effects of my cooking than an end unto itself. My freezer is now happy brimming with chocolate chip cream cheese brownies, a cupcake, leftover creme anglaise (which I FINALLY made without it curdling) and a couple slices of chocolate bourbon chess pie.

On the greenery front, I've started making Indian for work lunches. Honestly, I've always been scared of eating foods that were too heavily spiced on days that I train. I'm paranoid I'll be sweating curry from my pores. Not like I'd be able to tell, but things seem to be going ok so far. I've been trying out some pre-packaged sauces (which I learned from a cashier, are pronounced, "Shere Hahn" and are actually Pakistani in origin) and amping up the vegetable content. I think this will be a battle I'm fighting for the rest of my life. 

200mL to go until I have normal lung capacity!

That is all.

My lemonade addiction's been exposed.

So I have this problem.

After every class I get a mean craving for something cold and citrusee. At the old location, I would pass Chick-fil-a on the way home and got into the habit of picking up a large lemonade after class. Realizing it probably wasn't the best idea to be knocking the things back three times a week (sugar overload!), I cut myself back to once. Then I started putting lemon juice in my water, which killed the cravings almost altogether.

Well, a few months back, I fell off the wagon. I'm back to once a week...sometimes twice. So I went by tonight and got my usual $2.17 ready. The young man at the window looked at me, smiled, and belted out a "Wow! You really like this lemonade!" I laughed and explained it was my after gym ritual. He replied that he wanted to get into working out again, saying his weight had sneaked up to 205 lbs. I invited him to come visit the gym, explaining how much fun I had doing jiu jitsu. He said he just wanted to lift weights.

So tonight was my first class in week two of judo month. It was rough. Really rough. The concepts weren't really that bad, but after an hour fifteen of setups and throws, up and down the mats...my back is EXHAUSTED and I feel mad uncoordinated. I really expected to be better at anything working from the feet, but I found myself longing for the days of being stuck in the dreaded bottom half.

We went three rounds at the end of class...I did one with a blue I haven't rolled with in a while, another with the brown I take lessons with and  a third with another big blue that's always asking for gi info. I was lethargic in every sense of the word. Physically burnt after judo (I still don't get how you end up so tired just walking and kicking and bending) and mentally still drained after training people and visitors at work. Here's how they went...

Blue #1: I found myself on the bottom way more than I should have. It was mostly my own fault. When my brain gets lazy, I lose aggression and tend to pull people on top of me. As much progress as I've made getting comfortable with the top game, I still prefer the bottom. And por lo usual, I was giving up my arms like crazy.

Brown: I like rolling with him because I get more tailor-made rolls, but then, when, like tonight, I blank on things we've covered in our lessons, I feel like a dork. We worked on...I don't know what guard this is...shame on me...but it's basically half guard with the bottom person on their side. I didn't even recognize it as the position we'd worked on last lesson until well after we'd worked on it. Then I pulled back on like, three omoplatas. "You had that Megan. You had it" Mow. He did say though, that I'm posting better and I'm much more aggressive. I think...and I won't know this until my next shot at sparring...that I've overcome my omoplata hesitation. Being called out on it is a great impetus to just go for them.

Blue #2: I'm starting to get the feeling that this guy likes to pick me up and train for the sake of handling weightier opponents. He's used me before to weight train half guard bumps and I notice him tonight trying a lot of sweeps that require weight bearing. But yeah...ugly roll. Ugly, ugly roll. I was flopping over into positions and kinda just muddling there. Even my beloved spider guard, I was barely even grabbing the sleeves. In my defense, this is the guy that says "Hey Megan, wanna go for a light roll?" and I feel myself fighting harder than I ever have before. The scary part? I know he IS holding back. I've seen him roll with the monstrous guys in the gym and it's bru-tal.  I was happy though, that I quickly set up and attempted a tri-pod sweep from a failed triangle without hesitating. Didn't work since I didn't commit to holding that anchored foot with my hand, but glad I got to that point.


So yeah...I feel like I'm in a period where I'm overcoming a lot of mental walls...walls that have been blocking my way to even techniques that I know perfectly. Honestly, if I can just clean up and apply all the stuff I already know, I'll be ecstatic.  

FlowFit Win!!

So I started doing Scott Sonnon's FlowFit...a couple weeks after I started training. It's touted as a great way to learn movement, increase your strength, improve your cardio, regrow hair, win friends and influence people. A year and a half in and I love it even more. It's quick, effective, requires no equipment and can be done in a relatively small space.


This is the follow-up video. Apparently a derivation of Russian Systema and very similar to Ginastica...SO not there yet, but one day...one day...

It's basically a string of seven movements that you do in a repetitive sequence for 14 minutes each session. They're designed to improve your movement in six different "degrees of freedom". Each of the seven movements come in four different skill levels, so you can adjust the difficulty as you go. I started at level 1, which involves the use of a stool. Well, I got to level two of most of the movements in a few weeks. Two of them though...squats and tripod...my bad knees kept me from doing them without nasty pain the next day. Well today, after months of stretching to deepen my squat and get my heels to the ground, I reincorporated tripod. It's still messy, but it's there and I'm proud. 

BJJ Food Exchange!! ...and coming out of the (BJJ) closet.

Marketta, this was the best idea EVER. For some background, Marketta trains in Louisiana at Lake Area Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I don't know how it came up, but we're both foodies (it seems like a lot of jiujitsukas are) and decided to trade our regional specialties. I sent over key lime pie (it was supposed to be conch fritters, but apparently you can't mail conch fritter batter without buying $100K worth of lobster and stone crab) and in return I got a Zulu king cake...right on Mardi Gras!! What makes it Zulu? Well, that would be the chocolate fudge and coconut on top. It's also filled with cream cheese...crazy rich. Amazingly good. Here are some pics. Notice the beads and the baby Jesus...which they apparently no longer hide inside the cake because people were choking. 

It got a little bruised during shipping. Good ain'it always pretty!

An attempt at plating. Still difficult.

Beads and baby.

Ohoh...my volumetric exerciser...I'm up to 2500mL inspired volume...that's up to 78% from 42% in one month!! And yes, I've noticed a difference training. I can totally feel that I breathe more deeply and get tired less easily. Oddly though, I got lightheaded a lot last class and was sweating like CRAZY. We'll see if it continues.

I came out of the BJJ closet at Bible study tonight...everyone now knows I train. I can't say I was even keeping it hidden, it's just something I never shared. Some people were quiet about it, but my pastor, his wife and another lady were totally excited. I've learned a LOT of spiritual lessons from training and it was good to get to share a couple.

Thyroid Tea

I've been extra conscious of my enlarged thyroid ever since I started training. Even though my endocrinologist says it's fine to practice chokes, the idea of the already puffy gland being squashed on the regular makes me nervous.

Well, after my brother touted the effects of parsley tea on his sinus condition, my mother decided to give it a shot and said her gland (also enlarged) had gone down significantly (apparently it's known to help regulate thyroid function). I've been drinking it the last couple of days, and maybe it's just a placebo effect, but I am noticing a difference in size and my overall mood. 

BJJ has made me lazy.

I don't do my morning or after-work workouts anymore. I don't even stretch before bed anymore. Not sure how this happened.

Knee Flexibility

I know that to get optimal space when bridging, you should bring your heels as close to your hips as possible. Thankfully I have long calves (better angle on my bridge) but it could be better if I got my feet further back.

My problem is knee flexibility. I can get my heels to my hips when aided by weight (like sitting seiza) and maintain it for extended periods of time without pain, but without it, I've got about 8" of space open. I've started to notice this causing problems in other areas like getting hooks in for certain sweeps.

Someone pointed out to me that you shouldn't stretch joints, and this is something I've wondered about since I picked up Stretching Scientifically a few years ago. I guess I'm left with the question of whether my knee issue is caused by "flexibility" of the actual joint, or if ligaments around my knee are what the problem is. Since sitting in seiza helped me before, I may try doing that again.

100 Push-ups

Back on the 100 pushups program. I had to reset to the middle of week
2. I've been lazy the last two weeks and have been skipping that and
FlowFit. I've still been stretching regularly at work though. I've
also been hiding from the small stability ball, but after the last
couple guard passes we learned, I can see that it would be a big help.

--

Release the Kraken (Best Chic-fil-a lemonade...EVER)

I'm sorry, but this stuff is amazing and I needed to share. Oh...and Clash of the Titans is out tomorrow. My life will be complete.

 

BJJ has given me a new appreciation of showers. I used to be of the utilitarian school of showering...you're there to get clean and groom...none of that singing/hanging out stuff. Now, they're like a fine wine...meant to be sipped slowly and savored. Best served with anti-bacterial soap.

 

We were back on the adaptation of over/under from butterfly guard. I had a horrible time getting around the inside knee, but as usual, it was because I was ignoring the fact that I have to actually CONTROL my opponent, not just avoid them. Need to go re-read the Art of War, I do. Details I was missing:

 

1) Flare the elbow that's under so the leg has less of a chance of replacing.

2) Don't flare the elbow that's over...free kimura. Keep it tight.

3) Pinch the legs together and move your body around the knee.

4) Lean into his body and turn inward while pulling his lower body up a bit (makes the knee easier to clear).

 

I worked with a blue belt that helped me out a lot with it. He also used me to test out a theory he apparently had on getting around hooks that were especially tight. I was able to get around them by moving my knee forward (negating the hook), then whipping my leg out and around.

 

Second round, I was up against the same purple belt that reminded me to replace my guard last class. This time, he brought up a great point. He was setting up one of the 86716875697853 chokes he seems to know (I think he choked me with my own ankle tonight) and I was busy trying to defend it. He said I should have also been concentrating on escaping my hips. Rolling with him, I also realized the importance of adjusting. Not everything comes with one, quick, perfect movement. Sometimes you have to work to get where you want to go.

 

Next, I rolled with the same blue belt I'd drilled with. He showed me a pass for open guard...which I need, because every higher belt I roll with seems to go straight for that or butterfly right out of the gate. I was already pinning the leg, but was getting swept left and right. Turns out needed to get my other leg inside so it's free to move, pinned the leg, switched my hips backward/to the side, brought my other leg around behind me and gotten into side control.

 

Ooo...third round, I got a chance to try out the push-pull theory I read about in Mastering Jiu Jitsu. Basically, if someone is pushing you, you pull them. If they pull, you push. Worked quite well, even though it took me a couple tries to get the timing right.

 

I think I'm starting to adjust to the group. I left after changing, and wished I'd have hung around a bit after class tonight, but I'm just starting to lose the feeling that I immediately need to crawl home and lick my wounds after class.

 

 

 

 

Mmm...post BJJ grapefruit...

Of course, class was great. Whenever I freak out the most, that's when I have the best classes. There were only two of us there, and the extra instructional time was nice. We went over a move called "over and under" and man...the details. They're all centered around making sure you have control and don't leave any room for escape...or maybe that's the case with most finer details and I just had an epiphany...hmm. Anyway, the ones I had problems with are...

 

 

1) Keep your shoulder tight under his knee

2) Make sure your arm is wrapped all the way "over" the opposite leg, almost gripping the back of the knee.

3) SWITCH...YOUR...HIPS (it felt like my balance was off so I had some issues with this...hence the caps)

4) Free your trapped leg with an outward, whipping motion. This also gives you momentum to drive it under the close knee

5) Gain control of the upperbody  (knee deep in armpit) then adjust the legs.

 

After that, we moved on to some rolling, then open mat. I worked with one of the blue belts that stayed behind after the advanced class. I learned...

 

1) Aim for mobility. I have a tendency to start a roll on my knees. It is a bit easier to move/react with one knee elevated.

2) Grabbing the middle of the belt to start a roll can leave you open to a variety of attacks.

3) In armbars, I have a tendency to let go of the arm for a split second when adjusting my body.

4) I also use too much of my upper body to power myself around.

New Physio Ball!

I got my new baby (45cm) physio ball today. I think I'm good with that one and the 65cm.

I've finally gotten my form to the point where I can start the 100 pushup program. I was honestly concerned about the reps, but they weren't bad. Honestly, I'll be happy once I get to 30, but I'm aiming high:) I'll likely be doing them on Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. I really need to pick one solid day a week off exercise and I think it's going to be Tuesdays since I plan on eventually adding Friday to my training schedule. We'll see.

Anyone tried FRS Energy Chews?

I need an alternative to FRS Chews. They keep me going through a whole class and help make up for any nutritional missteps I'd taken in the day but...um...they're kinda like Now and Laters spiked with crushed Flintstones vitamins and those nasty Valentine's day candy hearts. Just the thought of choking down two more makes me sad.