Me: Whuddup lil bro
Bro: You don't talk like that.
Me: Must be the jiu jitsu.
Bro: So you went tonight...
Me: Nah. Tonight's pro fighter night. My belt level isn't allowed on the mats
Bro: Sounds serious...
Begin brother's enactment of an unfortunate white belt on pro night...
Little Timmy: b...but I tripped!
Random pro fighter: Rules is rules. GAME ON BRUH!
When I first started, a few other ladies in the blogosphere were just getting their blues. It was so cool. They were so happy and proud. A few weeks after that, posts started popping up about having a target on their backs and feeling like they didn't deserve the promotion. I thought to myself "glad my blue is a LONG ways off". Well, all those wonderful feelings hit me and my little green hips tonight.
It was a total roller coaster emotionally. I came in after a psycho day at work (hours trying to get the network back up, data just...doing all the horrible things data does, hospitals doing all the horrible things hospitals do) and was very much ready to get into a different environment. We worked an armbar defense. In the middle of drilling, I saw Parrumpa walk in with a white belt in the usual place of his black, smirking. I expected to be in for some scariness, but I was wrong.
We started rolling, and I got to pick my partner for the first time. I chose a male white belt I've rolled with before and that was about the same size as me (I do get tired of having to worry about squashing the ladies), but of course stronger. He broke my posture over, and over, and over with sheer force. My face and his rib cage are really good friends now. I kept my hands locked in his stomach, but my wrists and elbows kept collapsing. A few moments of me not getting completely squashed, and he got me in an armbar. Apparently it was his first because, well, he was elated and said it. I was happy for him to be honest. He'd been having problems with submissions and especially that one, and I know getting it on a higher belt must have been a serious rush, but man did it have to be me. I decided that fighting him upper body to upper body wasn't a great idea, so after restarting, I immediately went for spider guard. Accidentally kicked him in the face, toes in mouth.
I sure hope it was accidental.
The worst part about it is just last class, we were talking about things we'd done to other people and I told him about my shoving my foot in the face (and by face I mean mouth) of a blue in my first week. Apparently that's a bad habit I have with spider guard. It definitely slows down a fight.
Second round was with a REALLY new white belt. I hesitated, but he was the only one left. I was...concerned. I know new white belts are super dangerous. I looked him dead in the face, searching for hints of desire to destroy my elbows. Either way, I knew I just needed to try to defend. Dude was STRONG and I honestly think he was holding back, or maybe hadn't quite learned to use those muscles yet. I saw him later shirtless and, pure striations. Made me feel a bit better, but honestly, after being forced onto my back and having our instructor come over and tell him to back off on the strength, I felt eh. Not because he was stronger. I've accepted that men even close to my size will be stronger...a lot stronger. No.
I was hurt because I still don't have enough technique to deal with strength. And I know...I'm just a green belt, but it probably would have stung less if they hadn't been white belts. It also probably would have stung less if I hadn't given up an armbar because I wasn't strong enough to grab my bicep against Mr. Striations. It probably wouldn't have been as bad if I hadn't chosen to spar right in front of our head instructor. I honestly felt like he should have come and taken the green belt right off my waist. There were some silver linings though...
I've always given up a lot of arm submissions and told myself that tonight, I would focus on not giving so many up. I got armbarred, but they had to pry my arms out of position to get to them.
I'm getting to my knees more quickly.
I've discovered that kesa gatame stalls me. (new area of improvement
I'm not going to be out muscling guys, but I'm strong enough to buy myself a few moments. I just don't know what to do with those moments yet.
I've gotten better and not getting forced flat onto my back.
...and the beat goes on...