...and I'm not a feelsy person. I went to class, fueled by some quality time with Roy Dean's DVD and Jiu Jitsu University, with all these aspirations of finally not getting stuck in the mount, successfully passing someone's guard and FINALLY making my way out of side control. I did none of that. I got stuck in side control. I got pinned in the mount. I couldn't even pop open the guard, let alone pass it.
I have this...huge...canyon of a gap between technique and actual application, and I'm not sure exactly how to cross it. I think I've finally made it around the technique wheel and I'm starting to see some of the techniques from when I first started...makes me feel even suckier.
I know that not being an athlete, applying physical concepts might come a bit slower for me since my mind isn't used to making those connections. I know that I've only been training twice a week and that in the world of BJJ, that amounts to super slow progress. I know that I'm sparring with new, stronger, heavier people, and the gains I've made on my typically smaller partners mean very little now. I know that I'm supposed to be taking this at my own speed. Unfortunately, none of that is comforting.
I did learn...though...to go for small gains. Instead of getting in side control and going straight for guard, it's sometimes a good idea to go for half guard.
I met a friend for dinner after class (she stopped by and got some video and pics of me rolling...it was actually good to see myself) and went back to the gym afterward to get my car. The second beginners class was going on and I saw all my old training partners and my old instructor. I miss them. I'm considering doubling up my training time and doing both classes, I'll just need to find a way to burn the hour in between.