I realized tonight that comment last night that I thought I misinterpreted? Probably wasn't even about me. Too funny. Bruised ego for nothin'.
Tonight was odd. Class was relatively empty and I ended up rolling with the tiny girl who once said I scared her. Some good time working on half-guard escapes and guard passing. I still don't know how to best make use of time working with significantly smaller people, at least not when they're less experienced. After her, I rolled with a white belt and decided to take the opportunity to try out a knee on belly escape I'd learned from the GrappleArts app. It requires you to get your whole arm between you and the hooked foot and I couldn't even get a hand in. Ended up succumbing to an armbar as a result of not watching my other arm closely enough. It was worth it.
Tonight was cool. Parrumpha's very first student came back to test for his brown belt. A snuggly time was head by all. Watching all the submissions and sweeps and passes...educational, inspiring and disheartening. I think any other night, it would have just been the first two, but tonight, seeing it all made me think, for the first time, "there's no way I can do that". I'm finding that I'm having a hard time focusing in class lately. Be it work, the weather, or just a normal slump. I feel icky and skill-less and like a charity case. And as horrible as that all sounds, it's really not permeating very deeply. I know the thought is there and I have to deal with it.